Bad day

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Scuffs
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Bad day

Post: # 28966Post Scuffs
January 10th, 2019, 1:37 am

We all have commemoration days and we all can respond to grief in different ways.
I responded to my Fathers terminal diagnosis 18 months ago in a bad way. Today is his 1 year annerversary of his passing. I love him and miss him. All he ever wanted was to raise his two boys well. Well, in my opinion he succeeded. All my good traits are due to my Father and any bad, which are probably many are due to my failings. Love you Dad xxx

Theadder4
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Re: Bad day

Post: # 28989Post Theadder4
January 10th, 2019, 9:24 am

Always raise a glass to my mum and dad (and the rest of my family no longer with us) at midnight on new years eve.
My dad died in a car crash when he was 45,when your younger you always think of your dad as being old,but once i reached that age and beyond,i now think he wasnt old at all,would prob have had another 40 years in front of him. He worked hard all his days,went out after work on a friday for a drink ,took my mum out on a saturday night (old school kind of guy) we always had two holidays a year ,two weeks in blackpool (at glasgow fair) ,and a weekend in blackpool (september weekend) .he had never been abroad (wasnt really the done thing back then)
My mum died when she was 70 the last 7 or 8 years before she died her and my aunties and her friends went to vegas every year plus had a few holidays in spain as well.
Ime 58 just now and plan to make the most out of things,go on holiday as much as i can etc, pauline retires in 2 years ,and our plan is to work a month and go away for a month. (Rent apartment or villa) so that we are seeing different countries ,for 6 months of the year,
Its great to see you and claire and tim and hazel are spending time abroad,
Lives to short,work when we need to and enjoy the rest of it is my motto,
In our parents days,they never had those opportunities,so we can do it for them.
Last edited by Theadder4 on January 10th, 2019, 9:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

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richlizard
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Re: Bad day

Post: # 28990Post richlizard
January 10th, 2019, 9:26 am

x

T8MML
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Re: Bad day

Post: # 28993Post T8MML
January 10th, 2019, 9:55 am

Lost my old fella 25 years ago on Monday just gone - 6 weeks after my wife Carol passed at 43. Hard to think she would have been 69 this year!

Both went with cancer and although Carols had been an ongoing problem for nearly ten years I found out both were terminal on the same day. June 16th the start of the fishing season, my old mans biggest hobby!

Funny story towards his end. He spent all of his adult life working but was also a semi pro musician having played with many big bands back in the 50,60,70s before buying an electronic organ and doing the clubs and pubs in Northants. Inevitably he would have a few every night. In later life that took hold and he was doing a bottle of scotch every couple of days, drinking it with dry ginger in a large tumbler that towards the end of the night had more scotch in it than dry ginger. Told the drs towards the end to stick the tablets that he couldn’t drink with. One night he got pissed and was beginning to get very frail. My mum, worries that if he fell she would have to call one of us to help him up asked him to cut down with the words “you wouldn’t want the kids last memory of you being having to pick you up off the floor cos you were pissed”.

It worked and when we went round he would be sat there with a 1/6 5/6 glass of scotch and ginger. She was happy, we were proud. When he passed me and my brother in law said let’s have a drink on him as we never got one when he was alive, so we both poured a scotch and ginger, raised a toast, took a swig and both choked. The old bugger had taken the ginger out of the bottle and replaced in with neat scotch!!

Still miss the battles we had over politics :)

silverfox46
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Re: Bad day

Post: # 28995Post silverfox46
January 10th, 2019, 11:00 am

Amazing how these things affect you, i lost my old man 30 years ago, he was 72 (my current age) and still miss him, even dream about him every so often. My childhood memories in the 50s were very confusing, a time of food rationing and nobody had fk all.Mother would make meals up from what was available, if you didn't eat it all dad would go crazy, he had a foul temper. Though he never spoke of it, he was captured on Crete in WW11 and spent 3 years in a POW camp in Germany,He was m/weight marine boxing champ and super fit at the time of his capture. I got battered often as a child, at the age of 15 i had had enough and when he flipped one day i raised my fists to defend myself, he knocked 10 barrels of shit out of me, but i remember saying, enjoy i will get stronger and you weaker, that was the last time he ever touched me. Many years later, i was HGV tanker driving returning home when i picked up another driver we got talking and he spotted my name on my log book. Rutter not a common surname, he knew a marine by that name, a boxer, who was captured with him on Crete, ding dong bells start ringing and he told me a story,apparently my old man had a very rough time in the POW camp in Germany. When the yanks liberated the camp in 45 my old man went missing, they found him over the body of one particular guard who had smashed his legs with a rifle but a year before, he had killed him with his bare hands. I never repeated this to dad but it explained one hell of a lot of my childhood memories. he would wake up screaming with nightmares. My generation "baby boomers" are indeed fortunate to never experience such horrors as our forfathers did. to his dying day he never spoke of it and passed away peacefully in his sleep one night a justified goodbye from a tortured soul.

Scattysapain
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Re: Bad day

Post: # 28996Post Scattysapain
January 10th, 2019, 11:11 am

My dad got beat up by 2 people who my parents gave a home too he died a week later, we all got restraining orders to stay away from the lads they got away with murder that was 26 years ago i still cry every November the 4th and on his birthday in December.
I feel the pain of everyone that has lost a member of their family 😭😭😭

bilthebandit
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Re: Bad day

Post: # 28998Post bilthebandit
January 10th, 2019, 11:22 am

Yup Tim if he was a tory boy he wudda replaced the scotch with neat ginger!!!!

Don't have a commemoration days here coz I cant remember what day it is today without looking at the comp so fuked if I can remember the date of my old mans passing 8 years ago or so and me mams 18 mth ago near enough.


Ya will never forget Colin and as someone once said "your never really dead while someone still thinks about you" dammed if I remember who the hell said it tho haha.

Longines
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Re: Bad day

Post: # 29000Post Longines
January 10th, 2019, 12:56 pm

Can't imagine what it feels like Colin. Still have all four parents and in-laws and know that's unlikely to be the case for too much longer.

Brilliant story Tim, love it.

Scuffs
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Re: Bad day

Post: # 29002Post Scuffs
January 10th, 2019, 2:55 pm

Some fantastic stories, thanks guys xxx

I'll order a glass of scotch tonight in memory of loved ones. 9pm here 8pm at home, all welcome to join me in raising a glass.

plum11
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Re: Bad day

Post: # 29004Post plum11
January 10th, 2019, 4:26 pm

Man was a legend and was a pleasure knowing him mate . Jane knew it was his anniversary today and said her thoughts are with you all . xx

Marky147
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Re: Bad day

Post: # 29005Post Marky147
January 10th, 2019, 7:43 pm

Lucky enough to still have both mine, like Grant.

I'm off booze, but will raise an espresso :thumb:

Com stories,too :mrgreen:

T8MML
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Re: Bad day

Post: # 29006Post T8MML
January 10th, 2019, 8:01 pm

Scuffs wrote:
January 10th, 2019, 2:55 pm
Some fantastic stories, thanks guys xxx

I'll order a glass of scotch tonight in memory of loved ones. 9pm here 8pm at home, all welcome to join me in raising a glass.
You really haven’t grasped the Spanish lifestyle yet if you’re raising a glass at 9pm mate - by that time I can’t raise my eyebrows!!

:)

Phinnies
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Re: Bad day

Post: # 29007Post Phinnies
January 10th, 2019, 8:33 pm

Oddest thing about this post is that Colin thinks he has some good traits! :lol: :D

My old man died of cancer when I was 21, 28 years ago when he was 53. Sad to say I was never particularly close to him, he wasn't an emotional man, I barely even knew him if I am honest. I have a few fond memories of playing father and son badminton with and against him and the odd family holiday but even those were often Mum and two boys.

He wasn't a drinker or a violent man, I never saw him raise his hand to anybody and if I were to guess I would say he probably had the love in him but didn't know how to show it. When I finally had a son I promised myself I would'nt be the same and I tell by boy every day that I love him.

I never really think about him aside from the odd occasion I catch sight of the photo I have and I never visit his grave which is quite sad, I really think had he grown older we would have probably become a lot closer. So for the first time, I'll raise a glass him tonight. Here's to you Dad

T8MML
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Re: Bad day

Post: # 29008Post T8MML
January 10th, 2019, 9:00 pm

Phinnies wrote:
January 10th, 2019, 8:33 pm
Oddest thing about this post is that Colin thinks he has some good traits! :lol: :D

My old man died of cancer when I was 21, 28 years ago when he was 53. Sad to say I was never particularly close to him, he wasn't an emotional man, I barely even knew him if I am honest. I have a few fond memories of playing father and son badminton with and against him and the odd family holiday but even those were often Mum and two boys.

He wasn't a drinker or a violent man, I never saw him raise his hand to anybody and if I were to guess I would say he probably had the love in him but didn't know how to show it. When I finally had a son I promised myself I would'nt be the same and I tell by boy every day that I love him.

I never really think about him aside from the odd occasion I catch sight of the photo I have and I never visit his grave which is quite sad, I really think had he grown older we would have probably become a lot closer. So for the first time, I'll raise a glass him tonight. Here's to you Dad

Sadly touching Nick. When Carol passed I never shed a tear, I had two children 16 and 10 to worry about and put on a stiff upper lip. When my dad passed shortly after, again I never shed a tear, my daughter of ten was in tears because the funeral reminded her of “mums”. We talked about this only recently and she said I couldn’t believe how cold to everything I seemed at the time. As I explained, my grief was private (many times) but it seemed to me at the time I needed to be a rock for my kids and then a rock for my mum.

I suppose what I’m really saying is not everyone reacts in the same way and who says what’s wrong or right but other peoples perception can be quite misguided and who knows deep down he may have just not what a persons perception of a dad should be mate

bilthebandit
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Re: Bad day

Post: # 29009Post bilthebandit
January 10th, 2019, 9:09 pm

Scuffs wrote:
January 10th, 2019, 2:55 pm
Some fantastic stories, thanks guys xxx

I'll order a glass of scotch tonight in memory of loved ones. 9pm here 8pm at home, all welcome to join me in raising a glass.

Ofc i will mine is Jim Bean tho!!!!! SLURP SLURP SLURP :D

Paulscot1
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Re: Bad day

Post: # 29010Post Paulscot1
January 10th, 2019, 9:36 pm

A friend of mine, both his and his wife's parents divorced and remarried.

At present his kids have 7 grandparents but they reckon in the next 10 years they will lose all of them.

Rivher
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Re: Bad day

Post: # 29014Post Rivher
January 10th, 2019, 9:51 pm

silverfox46 wrote:
January 10th, 2019, 11:00 am
Amazing how these things affect you, i lost my old man 30 years ago, he was 72 (my current age) and still miss him, even dream about him every so often. My childhood memories in the 50s were very confusing, a time of food rationing and nobody had fk all.Mother would make meals up from what was available, if you didn't eat it all dad would go crazy, he had a foul temper. Though he never spoke of it, he was captured on Crete in WW11 and spent 3 years in a POW camp in Germany,He was m/weight marine boxing champ and super fit at the time of his capture. I got battered often as a child, at the age of 15 i had had enough and when he flipped one day i raised my fists to defend myself, he knocked 10 barrels of shit out of me, but i remember saying, enjoy i will get stronger and you weaker, that was the last time he ever touched me. Many years later, i was HGV tanker driving returning home when i picked up another driver we got talking and he spotted my name on my log book. Rutter not a common surname, he knew a marine by that name, a boxer, who was captured with him on Crete, ding dong bells start ringing and he told me a story,apparently my old man had a very rough time in the POW camp in Germany. When the yanks liberated the camp in 45 my old man went missing, they found him over the body of one particular guard who had smashed his legs with a rifle but a year before, he had killed him with his bare hands. I never repeated this to dad but it explained one hell of a lot of my childhood memories. he would wake up screaming with nightmares. My generation "baby boomers" are indeed fortunate to never experience such horrors as our forfathers did. to his dying day he never spoke of it and passed away peacefully in his sleep one night a justified goodbye from a tortured soul.
Wow! What a story!

You can't justify what he did to you, but sounds like he went through hell Foxy.

I feel like saying all the best after reading that, but doesn't make any sense at all, so I won't!

Rivher
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Re: Bad day

Post: # 29015Post Rivher
January 10th, 2019, 9:53 pm

Phinnies wrote:
January 10th, 2019, 8:33 pm
Oddest thing about this post is that Colin thinks he has some good traits! :lol: :D

My old man died of cancer when I was 21, 28 years ago when he was 53. Sad to say I was never particularly close to him, he wasn't an emotional man, I barely even knew him if I am honest. I have a few fond memories of playing father and son badminton with and against him and the odd family holiday but even those were often Mum and two boys.

He wasn't a drinker or a violent man, I never saw him raise his hand to anybody and if I were to guess I would say he probably had the love in him but didn't know how to show it. When I finally had a son I promised myself I would'nt be the same and I tell by boy every day that I love him.

I never really think about him aside from the odd occasion I catch sight of the photo I have and I never visit his grave which is quite sad, I really think had he grown older we would have probably become a lot closer. So for the first time, I'll raise a glass him tonight. Here's to you Dad
Oh God I'm welling up here....... :help:

Scuffs
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Re: Bad day

Post: # 29016Post Scuffs
January 10th, 2019, 10:32 pm

Thanks again. Your memories are great and thanks for sharing heart felt stories. They are all amazing for different reasons and especially for me today.
Thanks for sharing guys. Maybe we could raise a glass annually, let’s pick a date.

Longines
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Re: Bad day

Post: # 29017Post Longines
January 10th, 2019, 10:39 pm

Scuffs wrote:
January 10th, 2019, 10:32 pm
let’s pick a date.
Think we just have mate.

LittleMate
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Re: Bad day

Post: # 29018Post LittleMate
January 11th, 2019, 1:44 pm

A lovely thread that makes us all realise we are not alone in our grief or memories of dearly departed loved ones.

My dad went in 2007 from cancer. Gone in 6 months. I was not particularly close (like Nick) but I was built of the same material as him. He was not a good father, but he made for a great grandad. I think he realised a bit of what he missed. I only ever rally got one of his vices (card playing) - and I used all of the others and all of his bad practices as a vow that I'd never repeat them upon my children. In that way I'm similar to Nick that I cherish my kids far more as a result. Now for a story that tells you as much as you need to know about him....

He finds out he's terminal on 4th May 2007 - his 67th birthday. 2 days later he turns up at my offices. "I've had a row with your mum. That building society (now spanish) keep bugging me to take out a loan and so I've asked her for my passport as I need ID proof. So I've borrowed £5k; I've left £1k in there for repayments and another £1k is for some jewellery for mum and here's £3k to bury me with". He flops £3k on the desk and off he goes. Funeral paid for WHACK!

I actually picked up on the 8pm thing on whats left of the Glasgow whatsapp group, as I sat in the hospital by my mothers bedside (I raised a Capuchino to our dearly departed). She's not critical (3rd fall and another 5 broken bones though - to add to last month's hip replacement) but yesterday I had to give them the authority to not resussitate her in the event of something untoward. At points like that - and on threads like this - it reminds you that whether you admired them or not you only get 1 mum and 1 dad.

silverfox46
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Re: Bad day

Post: # 29019Post silverfox46
January 11th, 2019, 3:21 pm

Rivher wrote:
January 10th, 2019, 9:51 pm
silverfox46 wrote:
January 10th, 2019, 11:00 am
Amazing how these things affect you, i lost my old man 30 years ago, he was 72 (my current age) and still miss him, even dream about him every so often. My childhood memories in the 50s were very confusing, a time of food rationing and nobody had fk all.Mother would make meals up from what was available, if you didn't eat it all dad would go crazy, he had a foul temper. Though he never spoke of it, he was captured on Crete in WW11 and spent 3 years in a POW camp in Germany,He was m/weight marine boxing champ and super fit at the time of his capture. I got battered often as a child, at the age of 15 i had had enough and when he flipped one day i raised my fists to defend myself, he knocked 10 barrels of shit out of me, but i remember saying, enjoy i will get stronger and you weaker, that was the last time he ever touched me. Many years later, i was HGV tanker driving returning home when i picked up another driver we got talking and he spotted my name on my log book. Rutter not a common surname, he knew a marine by that name, a boxer, who was captured with him on Crete, ding dong bells start ringing and he told me a story,apparently my old man had a very rough time in the POW camp in Germany. When the yanks liberated the camp in 45 my old man went missing, they found him over the body of one particular guard who had smashed his legs with a rifle but a year before, he had killed him with his bare hands. I never repeated this to dad but it explained one hell of a lot of my childhood memories. he would wake up screaming with nightmares. My generation "baby boomers" are indeed fortunate to never experience such horrors as our forfathers did. to his dying day he never spoke of it and passed away peacefully in his sleep one night a justified goodbye from a tortured soul.
Wow! What a story!

You can't justify what he did to you, but sounds like he went through hell Foxy.

I feel like saying all the best after reading that, but doesn't make any sense at all, so I won't!
TY Simon, there was obviously a lot more to this story that fell into place after that conversation with the other driver. I inherited some of dads traits, took up boxing at schoolboy level, had a very short fuse as a young man, mellowed with age now and ability of course. One occasion that sticks in my mind from childhood, was mother had done dinner from what was available again and put it on the table in dishes, she then served it up to our plates, if there were "seconds" you got some, but if you didnt finish it off dad would go beserk, i remember him ranting on saying "when you have seen 2 grown men fighting over a dead rat you will understand! as a 7/8 year old this was way over my head, but those words are lodged in my memory forever,and it took a chance meeting some years later to explain it. He was very old school and never showed affection or feelings, not the done thing in them days, but in later life we got closer for which i am grateful, he had a terrible time in the POW camps but never once spoke of it, no fancy names for it then,(PTSD) they had to get on with it.

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